ROOTED: A Journey Back to Nature

Beginnings

We were born to be Rooted in nature. It’s our fortress, our teacher, our playground, and our mother.

I’ve always loved nature. I was the kid known to disappear into the forest with my best friend, Elliot, climbing trees, making forts, pretending to be Robin Hood or Cowboys and Indians, and getting thoroughly dirty in the process. Catching snakes, defying gravity, getting covered in scabs, and getting lost for hours was just a normal day. We had no fear, and adventure was around every corner. I never wanted to be indoors.

But something happened. I “grew up.” My best friend and I went separate directions. My hobbies took a turn towards reading and drawing. Getting good grades in school and moving ever toward adulthood and responsibility took precedence over catching salamanders and frogs. It’s not like I didn’t still love the outdoors. But it wasn’t the same. I’d lost the connection. That spark of curiosity and freedom and belonging became elusive.

As my 40’s approached, I began to feel a deep longing. I didn’t know what for, exactly. But I knew it had to do with roots. I couldn’t get my feet underneath me anymore. I couldn’t live in the same place for long, couldn’t make relationships last, couldn’t stick with routines, and couldn’t stay at a job for more than a year or two without getting the itch for change.

On the outside, I looked successful and adventurous – the envy of my Facebook friends with my well-paying career and all my endless travels, But on the inside, I was lost without a compass.

It wasn’t the first time I had struggled with my mental state. In my early twenties, I had an official diagnosis of ADHD and major depression, but it wasn’t until my 40’s that I started expecting it was more than that. I had a strong suspicion I had undiagnosed Autism.

The signs were there: hyperfocus on certain hobbies and interests, lack of emotional regulation, difficulties in communicating and poor social skills. I didn’t want to see it. There’s a lot of stigma around autism, and I didn’t think ADHD and autism could coexist in the same person. They seemed to be opposites. But then I found out it could, and it’s actually common. Studies are showing that somewhere between 50-70% of people with autism also have ADHD (CareScribe.io).

It made a lot of sense when looking through that lens. Not being able to stick with things for long, always having multiple projects going at once, yet deeply craving order and routine at the same time and not knowing how to give that to myself. I’d compulsively do the opposite of what my nervous system really craved, leading to a constant state of adrenaline. Another addiction.

This was the paradox of my life. I would get very overstimulated at social gatherings, loud environments, crowded places, busy road traffic, yet I would purposefully place myself in these situations, addicted to the rush, then self-medicating with food and alcohol to come back down. Even work overstimulated and caused anxiety, but I learned to mask so well and disassociate from my body that very few people knew what was going on inside me.

After years of pushing through and trying to be the responsible adult living in a modern world, I was getting burnout big-time. Overweight, alcoholic, and getting over a second divorce. I couldn’t sleep when I tried and I couldn’t stay alert and awake when I needed to be. Working night shift didn’t help. My circadian rhythm was completely off-kilter.

I was a nurse that worked through the COVID era. Living under fluorescent light, hearing constant alarms in my head, even when not at work. The IV pump was going off. The oxygen level was low. Their heartrate was too high or too low. People were dying every day. I envied the ones that got to stay home and even resented that a little.

Pushing pills and prolonging agony seemed like all I did. There were good days. When there was appreciation from patients, it eased the discontent, but I didn’t believe in what I was doing anymore. Most nurses even call it “sick-care” rather than healthcare. We often are just cogs in the wheel of Big Pharma and the Corporate Healthcare Empire rather than the healers we signed up to be.

Somewhere in the midst of all that, I began to be drawn back into a relationship with nature again. I didn’t know what I was looking for, exactly, but in my gut, I knew I’d find the answers there.

Many with neurodivergence are finding that nature calms their nervous system, gives clarity and focus, and gives feelings of deep connection with themselves that is challenging to find among the hustle of modern living. Really, most people are suffering from nature depletion, and it’s making us all sick. I was over it. I was ready to reclaim my wildness with full force.

So, I walked, I kayaked, I drove – off the beaten path, alone and away from others as much as possible.

Right away, the benefits were there – feelings of calm, of peace; of a more quiet mind. It was the best form of meditation and exercise all in one. At first, that’s all it was. A simple relationship. I’d go to it when I could get away from work and responsibilities. I enjoyed it and it served me well in those moments.

What ensued, though, was like a love affair. A remembering. I would drink in the scents of the pine needles, the wet dirt, feel the cool breeze or the warm sun on my skin. This was what life was supposed to be like. Not shut up indoors under artificial light. Not taking pills to sleep during the day and binging on caffeine and sugar to stay up through the 13 hour shifts.

The real change was gradual, though. When you’re comfortable and relaxed for long enough, it starts to feel better to be in your body; to be present. And this materialized more and more during my walks and outdoor escapes. Instead of just thinking about getting from point A to point B and appreciating the views, I was noticing more details. Not just the occasional serendipitous spotting of a mushroom, but seeing details of the terrain, the plant-life, the whole ecosystem and how interwoven it all is.

Chanterelle mushrooms are a forager’s delight, and I used to happen onto them on my walks sometimes, but when you learn that they love the shade of beech trees and moist, abundant organic matter left on the floor of mature, canopied forests, it’s now a conscious quest to find them! It’s a conscious relationship that you build that creates connection.

Paying attention to the plants around me lead to wanting to know more about them. Through many field guides, internet searches and old-fashioned observation, I learned how, many of the plants around us, thought by most to be weeds, are edible or medicinal. When you love something, you want to learn about it. And when your knowledge and experience grow, so does your connection. Which leads to more love, and the spiral continues. I was hooked!

My love affair with nature has changed me, and continues to change me, in so many ways. It’s not just a way to escape the noise and rush of normal life. It’s not just beautiful scenery to post on Instagram and adventures to brag about to your friends. No longer do I take pills to sleep or binge on energy drinks. My weight has dropped by over a third. No more high blood pressure. A calmer mind. A more regulated nervous system. Increased environmental awareness. Deep gratitude.

It wasn’t just the fresh air and wide-open spaces. Nature was speaking to me, like a friend, like a long-lost, wise elder, a mother and father. Sharing universal secrets about life, full of lessons and truths that I could take with me and integrate into myself. Nature was living. An entity. It was part of me. Part of everyone.

And then I knew: we aren’t just long-lost children of nature. We ARE nature. It’s like our body; an extension of us. How we treat it, what we put into it, how we nurture it; the whole relationship we have with nature is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves and the whole world. There is no separation. Like a rite of passage, I finally came home. I felt grounded. I felt present.

It became the path to finding myself and my place in the world. It was healing me from the inside out. And, as the relationship grew, I found the thing I’d been longing so much for. To be Rooted. Not just on a piece of soil, but deeply within myself and connected to this amazing planet we call Home.

I invite you to come with me on this journey of reconnecting with Nature, where I’ll share about not just foraging, tracking, world travel, sit spots, indigenous roots, forest bathing, mindfulness, awareness training, and wilderness trekking, but doing so in a way that honors the sacredness, the healing, and the profound transformation we can experience by cultivating this relationship.

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